Can't sleep, can't eat, can't focus.. Can't seem to do anything right... Never really been the same since..

finally getting something done

i never really liked taking care of school things at my school because they give me such a hard time! after a long monthsssssssssss wait my school finally received my transcripts from lsu! i finally feel like im starting to get things done! i hope the evaluation goes well and i dont need to do anything extra! will this year be my year?!? I HOPE SO!

i cant wait til i start school!

how can you be a friend when you dont feel like a friend? does that make sense?im trying to be a friend or a shoulder to cry on to someone when they call me up or vent out to me but sometimes i feel like they dont treat me like a friend. like they hide me. and then i think of this

haha... secret friends.. anyway.. i have a couple friends going through some things and its hard to give them advice, my opinion, my shoulder, or even just my ear when my mind is not really there.. its really hard to focus and be a friend when you yourself is having

issues. want to be there for them but all i can think about sometimes is "what am i gonna do about my issue" i just wanna go away and just forget about it.. can someone just take me to an island tie a hammock on two trees and let me sleep/rest on it and just be carefree from everything? i would love you forever... i promise. ehhhh...

4 weeks left

okay so this is the longest summer ive ever had since i didnt travel or take any classes. i have 4 weeks left and i'm kind of excited to start school. BUT at the same time i know when school starts i'm gonna wish i had a little more time to do nothing.. hahaa!

anyway my schedule looks nice for next semester. MTTHF classes wed off and i get out the latest 11 on friday! my classes are mostly the dental classes and i also signed up for child development. i dont know what to expect in that child development class but it was the ONLY class that was not full and something from the list i could take. i didnt want to take a science either esp cause i dont want to worry too much about it if i want to have almost all my attention to the dental class. im excited for this year and i cant wait for it to be over already! lol

never again

im picky when it comes to cutting my hair. usually i'd search around and ask people where i should get my hair cut. well when i lived in riverside i found this lady who an amazing job! the first time i cut my hair with her i was super happy. when i decided to chop all my hair off she suggested to buzz cut the back and without hesitation i said yes and it turned out great! a couple month ago i came back to her to get my hair relayered and once again i loved it! well i havent cut my hair for along time and one day i got really bored and decided to cut my bangs.. im dumb. it was too short. so after a while it started growing a little even tho it was still too short for my liking. a couple days ago i went home to pdale and marlyn was gonna go get a hair cut. i didnt want to at first cause i wanted to wait until i can go to riverside to my lady but i guess i was anxious and i didnt know when i would be able to go to riverside. i got my hair relayered again took an inch off cause of my split ends and in the end i decided that i wanted to trim my bangs a little so its even.

the lady who cut my hair had no clue what i wanted with my bangs because she said "the reason why theres longer strands with your bangs because your shortest layers come down and make it look like it" well.. actually thats how i have my bangs

so she shouldve cut it who i liked it. so i wanted her to fix it but she was already doing someone elses hair. the lady who cut my aunts hair got me to sit down so she can fix my bangs.. well she didnt. she made the middle part of my bangs shorter than the outter part. ugh!! never again am i going to cut my hair thats somewhere else except the lady in riverside.. i just get disappointed everytime! it may not really look that drastic but to me it is because its my hair and i see it all the time..

we got lucky...

last year i kept on seeing this girl in one of my classes with the cutest uniform. it was black scrubs with hot pink and green flowers. lol i like the color pink! so i asked her what it was for and she told me that she was in the dental assisting program part time. a couple days has passed and i was still thinking about the program so i went back asked her questions and gathered up more info about it. she was only in it part time which means that she would finish the program in two school years instead of being full time and finish in one school year and a summer for the internship.. it was last fall when i saw the girl. she told me that one class of it is offered in the spring then you'd had to take the rest the following year. it was too bad i didnt find out sooner cause i wouldve applied for the program in the fall and wouldve been done quicker. but it didnt happen that way

at first i was thinking if i should take that one class in the spring and wait for the other classes in the fall or just wait til the fall and start everything together cause its just one class. i would still have to figure out what other class i need to take in the fall cause i need to be a full time student. i ended up taking the class in the spring. i thought by taking the class i was guaranteed in the program... i was wrong. towards the end of the semester my teacher started telling the class that we all need to apply to the program still and see what happens. ummm.. what?? i started thinking dang i shouldve just waited til the fall if i was still going to wait to get in the program. so then my teacher told us that we would have a meeting with everyone who wants to be in the program in the summertime.. all of us and new comers about the program whats going to happen room tour uniforms etc..

the meeting was on tuesday. i knew everything that was going to be said so i was thinking of not going but i wanted to vote on uniforms so i went. during the meeting my teacher said that it is not guaranteed that everyone is going to be in the program. she is allowed 45 people, there were 35 new comers and 20 who passed the class last semester. for those 20 who came to the meeting is guaranteed in so there are only gonna be 15 people accepted. i felt relieved because my teacher said we still had to apply and see what happens. there were three diff kind of schedules and we got to pick which one we wanted. my teacher said check on friday to see if you got in the class cause we are going to enroll you so you get first priority.. if you dont see it by friday then something went wrong and you didnt get in. i didnt want to say im 100% in the program until i see my schedule.

my teacher also said that it was unfair that there was guaranteed spots and she was only allowed to accept 15 new comers. so next year will be different. next year they are not going to offer that one class in the spring so there will be no priority or guaranteed spots for the fall. she wanted everyone to have a fair chance in getting into the program and how it would be determined is first come first serve by registration date. now.. is it really fair that way cause how is it determined? theres a girl whoattended the meeting who is new to the college and her registration date is today (fri the 16th) when ive been attending and my registration date is the 24th, but there are some people who also is new to the college and their registration date is the 28th. i dont think it is fair anyway.. so im saying last spring there were 45 of us and 20 passed and have guaranteed spots and we just got lucky cause it ends with us.

i just checked my schedule and im enrolled in the classes i wanted. i still have towait for the 24th if i want to enroll in other classes thats not in the program and i will cause im still not a full time student. i hope i dont have a hard time cause i just need one class and i know classes get filled up really fast. i cant wait til the fall and i start the program cause i just want to be done with it and start working! and i dont have to worry about wearing clothes cause we chose our scrubs. well only on mondays cause mondays are strictly lecture days. im going to order my scrubs on monday and buy all black shoes. heres the pattern of my uniforms. i think it was the cutest from the other one that had the most votes so im happy.

planning things

planning a trip can be really stressful.. you have to think about so much hotel, ride situation, plane tickets, etc... i just don't wanna get disappointed in the end

i was looking at a 3-day cruise which is the cheapest, well actually a cruise to no where is the cheapest but who would do that? lol i rather spend a couple more bucks going somewhere than no where.. anyway i would think that this year would be a great time to go on a trip or cruise because since were not going to jersey rhay has extra vacation days which expire the end of the year.. might as well use it on a trip for us! and to celebrate our two year together! BUTTTTTT.. we have no $$$$$ to go on a little vacation... ugh!

i need to get out or something! i start school in 6 weeks.. thats soon to me but not soon cause i spend my days being stuck at home cleaning etc since i cant go out i have no $$ lol. makes the days longer when youre not having fun!

rough arms

for as long as i can remember i've always had rough arms.. i've always wanted to do something about them but never did. There was this one time when i first started college and i saw a doctor about it. i really thought they were gonna help me cause they seemed like they knew what they were talking about and they gave me steroids cream to put on my arms. the steroids made my arms feel super weak and thats pretty much all it did. my arms didnt get better so i stopped using it. after that i just really gave up cuz i didnt think anything would work.

three months ago i started using "buffy" a body soap from lush and it felt really good. i thought it was going to work but i was wrong again! it did make my arms feel smoother only because of the oils it left behind. the little bar of soap was oily regardless if it was wet or dry. it had almond chunks, shea butter, rice grains, cocoa butter, and a couple other things. the little grains of rice and almonds felt good like it was scrapping against my skin and after i washed it down my arms felt smooth because of the shea butter, cocoa butter, and oils. but it left like... oils i dont know how to explain it but i guess its kinda like.. when you wax your upper lip or arm pits or bikini area and you still have a little wax on you, you cant just wash it cuz its sticky so you have to use the wipes that come with it.. the soap just stays on your skin for a while until it the smoothness fades out. lol i dont know... anyway i just stopped using it after the bar was gone..

well a month ago ive been going to the doctors alot and my doctor saw my arms and said "oh would you like something for your arms i know exactly what that it" and im like whaaaaat? really? YES!!! hahaha she said it was like oil built up and got clogged in my hair follicles thats why its rough and someone in my fam has it cuz its genetics or something.. anyway she prescribed me this lotion, but when i got my to pharm they didnt have it so they gave me 3 seperate lotions that is equivalent to it, and im using it right now.. ive been using it on and off cuz i got sick and couldnt get outta bed and all that soooooo hopefully this will work!my arms do feel smoother but then again thats what i thought when i started using buffy.

i just came back to the doctor from taking the tetnus and tb shot.. my arm is sore and i have so many things to do today... ughh . anyway we got a care package from rhays mom and she got us shampoo, cups, shavers, vitamins, sponge for the dishes, a nice purse, and a whole bunch of other things lol feels like im in college and its finals but my parents never sent me a care package i just went home to get want i needed lol..

it's been a while since i haven't written.. i've been busy but not really. i'm out of school now for the summer and looking for a summer job is not easy! so what should i do for my summer other than... nothing?

the weather has been really weird but i guess it beats those really hot summer days! esp since i dont have ac i rather not sweat just sitting down.. haha

but what i really want to do is go home to pdale get all my scrapbook stuff and start makng another scrapbook.. or two.. i just need to figure out what pics i want to print out.. and that part is going to take a while cause i have alot of pics to print out! the good thing about having a digital camera is that you can pick and choose which pics to print, you dont have to get them printed right away, and its already in your computer.. but if you wait to long to print them out it can be very costly! anyway.. i just dont like driving to pdale cause i hate driving the 14.. its long and boring.. ;/

i bought a beach umbrella the other day and now its cold again.. whhhyyYY!!!!!

why is it that when you have nothing to do your day goes by so slow? and when you have so much to do there isnt enough time in the world?? and when your waiting for something it feels like forever for it to come..

5 weeks feels like foreveeeerrrr ;/

impressions.. the dental kind..

for one of my class assignments/projects we have get a partner and take impressions on each other.. i wasnt really looking forward to it because the last time i've ever taken impressions was senior year in high school and it was not a good experience. the last year of high school i was taking this dental assisting class which we also had to pair up with someone to take their impression. i had no clue what to expect cause i've never done them before neither has anyone done them to me. well my teacher decided to give us a snack break before taking impressions and that day i remember i had lasagna. so we got back to class i took the impression on my partner and when it came to me .. it did not go too well. as soon as she placed the tray in my mouth and pushed it into my teeth i felt the material (alginate) squeeze threw the tray and slowly run down my throat. the girl did not wait long enough for it to harden a little and it was so runny that when it touched my tongue i threw up my lasagna all over my white scrubs! but that wasnt the worse part. the worse part was that i couldnt even take the runny tray out of my mouth cause it would be more messy as oppose to letting the alginate set then taking it out. it was the worse 3 mins ever. and it took atleast 5 washes for the stain to get out of my scrubs! >;T

well last thursday i decided to let my partner take my impression first. of course i told her my past story and thought she would be careful with me. i sat on the chair while she got trays that she thought would fit in my mouth. she came back and the trays didnt fit. after the 5th time she tried i started worrying. so i told her to do my lower first cause the upper is that hardest. she did my lower... okay... i gagged and tried not to think about throwing up and lucky me she did it right. now time for the upper. our teacher came and helped out cause of the pain she was putting me through shoving every single tray in my mouth cause non of the would fit. finally found one and she set everything put it in my mouth and it was just a little runny that i had to keep my tongue in a certain way so i wouldnt feel the alginate, close my eyes, and wiggle my feet so i would distract myself. when it was time or her to take it out i wanted her to hurry cause i felt my lunch about to come out lol. but OMG was she soo slow.. ughh i hated it!! so after that she had to pour my impression up with plaster and then later we'll make bleaching trays. i was hoping she didnt mess up on the plaster part because if she does we'd have to start all over.. well today she said everything turned out great! and tomorrow i will be doing it on her! but after class she said she really didnt get to experience doing it cause our teacher helped out with the impression and our other teacher hepled her out with the plaster... UGGHHH!!!! noooooooo!!! i felt bad and i said ill let you do the upper (so i can keep one) but she wants to do both upper and lower... what should i do.. she already did them!! >;o

new neighbors..

yesterday we heard people moving in next door so on our way out we peeked in to see who it was.. its not new neighbors.. they lived a couple of doors away but had to switch apartments because their roof was leaking and during the rain all their furniture got ruined. im not sure if i like these neighbors yet.. they hang out with the weirdo from downstairs whos always out smoking and leaving their cigarette butts everywhere.. and they are loud and the list goes on.. ;/ i really wanna move...

lose and gain

okay so i use to love buying clothes and i still do, but i hardly buy them anymore. back in high school up until sometime in college i was able to wear whatever i wanted, but now.. i'm not. i gave away and/or threw out all the clothes i use to love to wear. i bought some clothes that'll fit me but then last year i lost a little bit of weight and started to buy clothes again. then i gained weight so i am unable to wear those clothes and now they are just sitting in my closet in pdale. its hard to eat right when rhay and i have different schedules and the only time we can eat with each other is at 12am.. i hate losing weight and gaining it back and then some.. i need more exercise throughout my week.. i am trying to lose my weight and maintain it though..

another one..

a couple weeks ago my neighbor to the right moved out, a month before that the people downstairs moved out, two months before that other neighbors moved out, around november my neighbors to my left moved out and a couple days ago another neighbor of mine moved out.. why is everyone moving out?

we've gotten two letters saying that she will not act as manager from x-x date. after the second letter we thought that our landlord lady would be back but there has been no sign of her since december. i wonder whats going on cause our rent is due every first of the month and we slipped it through her door but our check has not cleared.

maybe its time for us to move out too.

a day in murrieta, corona, and riverside.

i left my place around 230 to go to riverside to pick up marlyn so we can go to murrieta but when the clock turn 4 and i was still on the way to riverside i didnt think i was going to make it to murrieta before 6! i hate the stupid traffic around here its horrible! but i made it in time and i got what i needed.

im tired but i still need to do some last minute things.. im still debating if i should go home tonight or even this weekend. i know its valentines day on sunday but im so angry! >:/ well see what happens..

hellllo weekend

i'm thankful for this long weekend.. although i always have a long weekend ;]

have you ever felt nervous, excited, anxious, and scared at the same time? i dont know how to handle this feeling. haha. i hope all goes well.

and another thought: is everyone watching teen mom a little too much? what i'm trying to say is that i feel that it is in the air for everyone to get engaged, married, and have a baby! am i getting old because this is what grown ups do! LOL i mean im not trying to hate on anyone..i just feel like life is happening way too fast! it was just yesterday i was watching barney. haha it was just yesterday. jk. but really it was just yesterday i was 12 and talking about "when we grow up" things.

what the...

urbandictionary said that

Paulette

A "slider" burger with bacon, cheese, onion, sausage patty, and chili.
Yo dog! I just went to Campau Tower and ordered a Paulette and fries to go.

LOL!!

i want my rain boots!

whats up with all these... ftw, lml, smh, fml talk? I CANT FREAKING UNDERSTAND YOU!!

anyway ever since schools started ive been super tired! like all the time! and its only the second week! gahhh.. i just gotta get use to it.. waking up at 6 is horrible! i just wanna sleep a little longer lol but i guess its good cuz i dont feel like ive wasted my day sleeping in... im hungryyy what to eat?!?!!!

im thinking about going home to pdale but if its gonna snow i dont know if i should. i wanna be around the snow have a snow fight and all that but i do not want to get snowed in! i dont wanna be trapped in pdale.. hahaa seriously though.

its been raining like crazy and i wish i brought my rain boots with me! i hope lin has her baby tomorrow so on sat i can go to pdale and visit her and get my rain boots! lol i cant stop thinking about my boots and how much itll help me cuz my damn school is flooded all the time! long beach is closed for the next two days.. i wish my school was too! i also have a 2 tests tomorrow that i dont wanna take LOL! ugh i gotta study like right now but not on an empty stomach...

im just blabbing to pass the time. bye

sore..

for some reason my body feels really sore. i cant even move an inch without moving. anyway before i begin my math homework i wanted to write because i thought about how weird my math teacher is! shes a little petite asian lady who does not look at her students. its so weird because when she faces the class to lecture shes always looking at peoples desks or the floor. its really distracting like i cant concentrate cause i just wanna look at what shes looking at! and once i stayed after class to ask her a question she didnt look at me the whole time i was infront of her. oo and she uses her peripherals alot because once i raised my hand when she was explaining something but she was looking at the other side of the room and, without looking my way, she said i see your hand ill get back to you. LOL! im like wtf MY YOURE WEIRD!!!

anyway enough about mrs. weirdo. i freaking hate math. i hate word problems, charts, and anything that as to do with math LOL!! i thought i would be done with math after college algebra. ehh oh well.. i'm listening to my A playlist which consists of dashboard confessional, rufio, the used, bloc party. etc.. rhay doesnt like it he thinks im mad at the world when i listen to it lol.

ugghh

i feel like im just wasting my time..

first day always suck!

actually the first week always suck!! getting let out early is always nice but not if you have a hour gap that turns into a 3 hour gap! ughh this day sucked! but im glad im home cuz i get to clean up and fix all my stuff.. anyway when i got home rhay assembled the dresser we got from ikea!! YIPPEE!!! im excited for it. lol. i hope the rest of the week doesnt go by slow... i couldnt really do anything my arm is still sore and bruised up..

soo something strange has happened.. well out of the blue.. so we'll see how that goes.. i'll give YOU the benefit of the doubt. after all you are still family... and here i was saying to myself and maybe other people.. that i just dont care anymore.. and i did think that but it was so sad that i started crying.. wtf. ew.